My Sweet Sara

Well tonight I'm not gonna talk about myself or what's been going on with me lately but I'm gonna tell you how amazing my little sister is!!



Sara is my little sister and she is 3 almost 4 years younger than me. Sara is a girl that moves to the beat of her own drum. I love her so much! She is a sophomore and this is the first year that she and I have not lived under the same roof. I moved off to college and although I said that I wouldn't miss her that much I have! Sara is one of the sweetest people I know and she has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen a girl have. I am so happy that Sara is my little sister. Sometimes I don't act that way, but she really is one of my heroes. I have truly been blessed to have her as my little sister... I got to talk to my mom tonight about all of the fun things Sara is getting to do at home and I am so proud that she is searching to find who she really is...When I was at home I think I always tried to outshine Sara, but now I know that I should have let her light shine like the wonderful girl she is!! I pray that she will grow into the beautiful girl that God has created her to be and that she always listens to God in all she does.... This quote sticks out to me when I think of her...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This quote is my prayer for her...that she may shine as young children do...

Headache

i don't feel like writing a lot today....so i found this quote and i don't know why but i like it...but here it is so enjoy....

"Sometims you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant ot be, will end up good, and what is not, won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must just move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to giv you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. Always fight, until you can't fight anymore, and then be fought for."

Some relationships are definitely worth fighting for most of the time...but it's tiring being the one fighting for it. Make sure that both parties want to fight otherwise....it can feel like you're wasting time.

changes

In the last blog, I wrote about Birmingham and how it is now my new home. Things havent changed in that sense because Birmingham is still my home and will be my home until i finish school or move onto to something bigger and better. What has changed is my major lol. I finally sat down and actually evaluated the real reason i wanted to be a nurse, and I found that I was wanting to be a nurse to please other people. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I have changed my major to Secondary education. I am now going to be taking classes to become a math teacher. Now all of high school if you would have asked me if i would ever think of teaching I would have adamently said no haha. Now, I plan to teach kids who were just like me the subject that I have always loved. This decison was not a decision I didn't think about a lot. One of the other main reasons I wanted to become a nurse was to do overseas missions and fufill peoples physical needs so that i could build relationships and tell them about a God who loves them with all of his being. I still want to do overseas missions, but now I think I'm gonna be doing some teaching while I do it lol. Life is crazy. I am learning more and more daily that I'm not perfect and I'm never ever ever gonna be perfect. I also get to realize on a daily basis that Christ's love and grace is all I'll ever need!! I am filled with a joy that I know only comes from Christ and life is just GREAT!!

Home

I lived in Birmingham for a little over two months now and for the longest time I still called Fort Payne my home because i didn't want to let go of all of the awesome people still there. I have come to the realization in the last couple of weeks that I no longer think of FP as my home. Birmingham is now my home. I enjoy being here and I love all of the super amazing people I have met and will spend the next four years of my life. Now my hometown will always be Fort Payne, AL, and when I want a place of comfort and relaxation to get away from the city I will go back there and enjoy time with me family and old friends. I am finally coming to a point where I am moving ahead in my life and I'm gonna have fun while I do it. I'm truly genuinely happy and filled with a joy that I know comes from God. Life doesn't get much better than knowing my life is going well and that I can have an awesome fufilling life here in b'ham, and to know that I have one of the best and biggest families back home in FP who love and support me in all that I do!!

Change

Change is a Good Thing... this is a piece of advice that many people have given me in the last month, and I am seeing changes all around me on a daily basis. Some of the changes are good, some bad, and some i just really don't want to see. One good change is that I am becoming more independent...I live on my own 95% of the time now...I don't have anybody telling me what's best for me and I have to make those decisions by myself. This has been really good for me...I am getting to the point where I don't ask my mom, brother, or friends what I should do. On the other hand, this can also be a bad thing because I have found myself not turning to God with some major issues or worries that I am having. That is the bad change. I haven't been spending as much time as wanted or needed with God. I worry all the time about classes or my social life, and I don't focus on my spiritual life. I sin on a daily basis but I don't really do anything to change my ways. Now the changes I don't want to see are occurring back home where my good friends are...Everybody is moving on...without me... Now that sounds so selfish but it's hard to go back and see that the world doesn't stop because I came back. SUPER SELFISH right? I hate that about my personality. Ther are awesome things that I love about going home though. Like spending the day with my mommy, or getting to see some good high school football, and one of my most favorites is the fresh air!!! I love not breathing in polution.... I love my home and the scenery and the slowed down pace of a little city!! One thing that hasn't changed at all is my feelings for the people back home...I can try to get over certain people but that will not happen anytime soon...now i spent 3 weeks in b'ham without going home this last time and that helped me get over some things (or i thought those 3 weeks did), but boy was I wrong...those feelings came back real quick which I was super excited about lol...anyways..I am changing in good and bad ways and I am staying the same too...There's no telling what will happen next..this year is going by so fast

Too Blessed To Be Stressed

wow....i am going to tell you i am and have been so blessed over the past month. I have been at college for four weeks tomorrow and this experience has been the most rewarding experience i could ever ask for. I have met amazing people, and i have actually begun to manage my time more wisely.(i know hard to believe right) In the first couple of weeks here..i was kinda discouraged about being in college and then it was being discouraged about UAB...and this past week has shown me that i am in the place God wants me to be. I love my classes and my professors, and the friends I have made are amazing!!! I may change my mind next year and want to go to SamU but at the moment i really enjoy where i am...i still miss home though and him

Dirty Laundry

Well at this very moment i am doing laundry in the blazer hall laundry mat and i was just sittin here thinking about today and this past weekend and all that's been goin on in my life when i realized that this whole past week i didn't do anything for the kingdom. Over half of my time was spent worrying about a boy who doesn't even want to date me, and the other half was worryin about my classes and all that goes along with that. If I keep goin on with my life the way i am i am never goin to grow in my spiritual life. The big red flag to this break through occurred when i went to church this morning with my brother. It was the first time since i had been back to b'ham that i had actually taken the time to even try to evaluate my spiritual life. My life needs to be centered about God and then the rest will fall into place...and i have got to learn to be content with that whole heartedly

I'm Here

Well...i'm at college...i got to see larry today and it was tons of fun to get to see him and all of his friends...i hope to see them again soon..i pray God will send me friends like his...They are amazing...i hope to get involved in a church soon too!! who knows when it will happen

College vs Home

Okay so the past week i have experienced tons of new things and these things have got me thinkin about life here and life at home. I love college. The classes are gonna be tough but i am really excited bcause i am going to be challenged with hard tasks in order to reach my goal of becoming a nurse. Then I think about home and i know things won't be the same when I go bakc, but there are certain people who are moving on without me that really in my heart i don't want to move on. I guess I had high hopes that they would wait for me, but who was I kidding. These people don't want to wait on me, but I don't want to move on without them. I want to focus on school, but when certain people leave little hints that they are moving on without me it hurts. Now, I'm really bad at over-reacting so that may all that these feelings are, and I really hope that's all it is!! I pray that this is just me over reacting!!

School

Well i leave for the great city of Birmingham in two days and i am super super super excited!!I feel like i have grown more in the last five days than i have all summer...it's been amazing. I think now that i am at the end of this journey in fort payne i have started to remember little things i have learned and experienced here.

I look back and I first think about all of my crazy middle school moments and I don't ever ever ever want to go back...I was a super brat and I was really annoying...Then i remember how i transitioned from middle school to high school and i am so thankful for my church family and my immedeate family for their support. Finally i think about high school and all of the amazing times i had and there are too many to count!! I loved every part of football season and the pep rallies and the basketball games and all of the crazy times in between!! I loved every minute of it.

I've met so many amazing people in just the last five years that i wouldn't take back those years for anything!! I loved getting to meet some of my closer friends who are older but who support me and let me be myself!! And i am super excited about the people i meet at college and all the fun i am going to have there!! I can't wait!! Pray for me!!

I hope that i will always be a "first-rate version of myself"

Um...so i haven't been on here in a while because i haven't really had anything to say... i feel like i am just living my life but there isn't any purpose to it...i'm okay with that, but deep down it makes me really sad that i am just living this meaningless life... i need to get back on track..get my lazy butt up and do something...i can't wait for school to start!!

Too Blessed to be Stressed

So in the past two weeks...i have found myself mellowing out a little bit...i worked a little...then i went to orientation...and got my classes...and i am learning that there was no reason for me to be as stressed as i was...I lvoe just being able to relax and enjoy the last two weeks at home... The sad part about this whole thing is i leave my amazing family and friends here in fp...i just hope that i get super involved so that i won't have to think about that stuff too much

temptation

So i haven't blogged in a while because i have been super busy and exhausted...i have been able to have some very deep conversations lately and i just thought that you should know that everybody goes through struggles and we all are tempted...the devil sucks....anyways thought you might want to know that..i was so give you details but i can't have a blessed day...Jesus loves you!!!

the Catcher in the Rye

Okay, so i am reading this book called the Catcher in the Rye and i don't really know why i started this book but it is really different from anything i have ever read before...This guy Holden gets kicked out of like the third school in three years and its just a story of him waundering around new york until Christmas break...Now if you've read the book Holden uses several choice words that aren't cool, but he is really depressing...He talks the whole book about how he is depressed and all of the weird things he does and i am just super confused as to why anyone would want to read this...You may be thinking then why is she reading it and to be honest with you i have no idea...The book is awful but i can't put it down there is something about this guy that interests me...he is very opinionated and i guess i am too about certain things but anyways...this is deffinately one of the most random posts ever but oh well...

Life Choices

Choices are something that every person in the United States has to make on a daily basis...some choices are simple like what to wear in the morning and others are big like what am i going to major in in college.Over the past week as you know i have been thinking about some big choices i have to make, but sitting at work today i realized that others have to make the same big decisions i have to make...Take for instance my brother..i think he has known what he is set out to do for a long time...but me on the other hand i can't decide anything. I think that is one of the reasons God put us together...when we were growing up larry decided what we were doing and i followed his lead.
Throughout high school i started to make decisions of my own and i have turned into my own peson now, and one of thos really big decisions i made was not to date the last three years of high school... i had one boyfriend in high school for about two months and he was and is still one of my best friends..but i came to a realization through that relationship that God will put the right perrson in my life when he sees that it's time and i'm prepared for that relationship.
Now after saying all of that...i still struggle with temptations and i deffinately have struggles with being lonely, but i know that i am not going to rush into anything until i know that i am ready...God is a big God and i want to do his work, and i deffinately don't want to be one of those people who realize they are forty years old and they never lived out God's plan for their life. And i deffinately don't want to give up that eternal blessing for a guy...

Starting Up

Well, i just got back from fuge with the best youth group ever, and it was one of the best weeks of my life. I saw God in a whole new light this week and i really connected with a lot of the younger kids in my youth group. Over the past several months i have had to do a lot of soul searching about college and what i'm going to major in. Last summer i had decided that i wanted to major in nursing at the University of Alabama at Birmingham...but as the year has progressed and after the amazing week i had at camp I am not so sure that's what i want to do. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface on what God has in store for my life and I am really struggling with picking a major. My mom is telling me to jsut go in undecided and i guess that would be the right thing to do for my first year, but what about after that...what will i do?? I'm super confused!