Right Now

my life is a never ending cycle of test and due dates. i feel like all i do these days is worry about what's due or what i have to study for. this worry is causing tons of stress, which is leading to the slow start of sickness. i hate being sick. i need rest. i need to be still. i need time to just not think. now don't get me wrong everything else in my life is going great. i have the best friends in the world and a family who loves me. i love my professors and the classes themselves i just wish i didn't have to worry so much about all of the work i have to do in those classes.

my spiritual life is slacking big time. i hate that i think i am good sometimes. i have a problem with that. thinking i'm all good when the only goodness inside of me is Jesus Christ and what he did for me. i need to turn to Jesus. i let my pride get in the way of my service and my spiritual disciplines. i want my desires to be those of Christ and not myself. This past week I heard a quote that said : "It's not your plan. It's God's plan, and there will be suffering and pain. But it's the best plan." i know this statement to be true. i haven't suffered nearly as bad as tons of people in the world today. i have become a selfish person and i need to get back to the basics of things. i don't want my pride to get in the way of anything. my life is no longer mine. let's just see what will happen.

My Sweet Sara

Well tonight I'm not gonna talk about myself or what's been going on with me lately but I'm gonna tell you how amazing my little sister is!!



Sara is my little sister and she is 3 almost 4 years younger than me. Sara is a girl that moves to the beat of her own drum. I love her so much! She is a sophomore and this is the first year that she and I have not lived under the same roof. I moved off to college and although I said that I wouldn't miss her that much I have! Sara is one of the sweetest people I know and she has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen a girl have. I am so happy that Sara is my little sister. Sometimes I don't act that way, but she really is one of my heroes. I have truly been blessed to have her as my little sister... I got to talk to my mom tonight about all of the fun things Sara is getting to do at home and I am so proud that she is searching to find who she really is...When I was at home I think I always tried to outshine Sara, but now I know that I should have let her light shine like the wonderful girl she is!! I pray that she will grow into the beautiful girl that God has created her to be and that she always listens to God in all she does.... This quote sticks out to me when I think of her...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This quote is my prayer for her...that she may shine as young children do...

Headache

i don't feel like writing a lot today....so i found this quote and i don't know why but i like it...but here it is so enjoy....

"Sometims you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant ot be, will end up good, and what is not, won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must just move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to giv you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. Always fight, until you can't fight anymore, and then be fought for."

Some relationships are definitely worth fighting for most of the time...but it's tiring being the one fighting for it. Make sure that both parties want to fight otherwise....it can feel like you're wasting time.

changes

In the last blog, I wrote about Birmingham and how it is now my new home. Things havent changed in that sense because Birmingham is still my home and will be my home until i finish school or move onto to something bigger and better. What has changed is my major lol. I finally sat down and actually evaluated the real reason i wanted to be a nurse, and I found that I was wanting to be a nurse to please other people. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I have changed my major to Secondary education. I am now going to be taking classes to become a math teacher. Now all of high school if you would have asked me if i would ever think of teaching I would have adamently said no haha. Now, I plan to teach kids who were just like me the subject that I have always loved. This decison was not a decision I didn't think about a lot. One of the other main reasons I wanted to become a nurse was to do overseas missions and fufill peoples physical needs so that i could build relationships and tell them about a God who loves them with all of his being. I still want to do overseas missions, but now I think I'm gonna be doing some teaching while I do it lol. Life is crazy. I am learning more and more daily that I'm not perfect and I'm never ever ever gonna be perfect. I also get to realize on a daily basis that Christ's love and grace is all I'll ever need!! I am filled with a joy that I know only comes from Christ and life is just GREAT!!

Home

I lived in Birmingham for a little over two months now and for the longest time I still called Fort Payne my home because i didn't want to let go of all of the awesome people still there. I have come to the realization in the last couple of weeks that I no longer think of FP as my home. Birmingham is now my home. I enjoy being here and I love all of the super amazing people I have met and will spend the next four years of my life. Now my hometown will always be Fort Payne, AL, and when I want a place of comfort and relaxation to get away from the city I will go back there and enjoy time with me family and old friends. I am finally coming to a point where I am moving ahead in my life and I'm gonna have fun while I do it. I'm truly genuinely happy and filled with a joy that I know comes from God. Life doesn't get much better than knowing my life is going well and that I can have an awesome fufilling life here in b'ham, and to know that I have one of the best and biggest families back home in FP who love and support me in all that I do!!

Change

Change is a Good Thing... this is a piece of advice that many people have given me in the last month, and I am seeing changes all around me on a daily basis. Some of the changes are good, some bad, and some i just really don't want to see. One good change is that I am becoming more independent...I live on my own 95% of the time now...I don't have anybody telling me what's best for me and I have to make those decisions by myself. This has been really good for me...I am getting to the point where I don't ask my mom, brother, or friends what I should do. On the other hand, this can also be a bad thing because I have found myself not turning to God with some major issues or worries that I am having. That is the bad change. I haven't been spending as much time as wanted or needed with God. I worry all the time about classes or my social life, and I don't focus on my spiritual life. I sin on a daily basis but I don't really do anything to change my ways. Now the changes I don't want to see are occurring back home where my good friends are...Everybody is moving on...without me... Now that sounds so selfish but it's hard to go back and see that the world doesn't stop because I came back. SUPER SELFISH right? I hate that about my personality. Ther are awesome things that I love about going home though. Like spending the day with my mommy, or getting to see some good high school football, and one of my most favorites is the fresh air!!! I love not breathing in polution.... I love my home and the scenery and the slowed down pace of a little city!! One thing that hasn't changed at all is my feelings for the people back home...I can try to get over certain people but that will not happen anytime soon...now i spent 3 weeks in b'ham without going home this last time and that helped me get over some things (or i thought those 3 weeks did), but boy was I wrong...those feelings came back real quick which I was super excited about lol...anyways..I am changing in good and bad ways and I am staying the same too...There's no telling what will happen next..this year is going by so fast

Too Blessed To Be Stressed

wow....i am going to tell you i am and have been so blessed over the past month. I have been at college for four weeks tomorrow and this experience has been the most rewarding experience i could ever ask for. I have met amazing people, and i have actually begun to manage my time more wisely.(i know hard to believe right) In the first couple of weeks here..i was kinda discouraged about being in college and then it was being discouraged about UAB...and this past week has shown me that i am in the place God wants me to be. I love my classes and my professors, and the friends I have made are amazing!!! I may change my mind next year and want to go to SamU but at the moment i really enjoy where i am...i still miss home though and him